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Thread: Is Marriage Obligatory?

  1. #1
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    Default Is Marriage Obligatory?

    I did a search on the forums and the main site but couldn't find a similar question to this, so here it goes.

    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503547116
    According to this it is, but I would like to know to what extent.

    Lets say someone is raped or molested and they associate sex (or men) with the horrible things that have happened to them. Are they exempt?

    What if someone is taking care of their ill mother due to the fact that she needs round the clock care. Or if they are bound by work and school and they really have no time for a wife. Are they exempt?
    To anyone reading my posts:
    I used to be hadith rejector. After studying hadith at a surface level, I realized the large amount of nonsense dispelled by this forum and their top users. The exemptions are Al Boriqi, Nawawi, Lumumba and hlatif (who is no longer here). My advice, leave this forum. If you read anything of me rejecting hadith, know that it is nonsense and I no longer hold that view. Read my "Bio" for more info.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Quote Originally Posted by aamantubillah View Post
    I did a search on the forums and the main site but couldn't find a similar question to this, so here it goes.

    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503547116
    According to this it is, but I would like to know to what extent.

    Lets say someone is raped or molested and they associate sex (or men) with the horrible things that have happened to them. Are they exempt?

    What if someone is taking care of their ill mother due to the fact that she needs round the clock care. Or if they are bound by work and school and they really have no time for a wife. Are they exempt?

    As Salamu Alaykum


    Marriage isnt obligatory as a general statement as one would say for example the five prayers are obligatory. It is not listed as amongst the fard al ayn of the religion. Although there are some factors like if one fears one will commit adultery or fornication, one should try to get married.

    If one does not have the desire or is too poor to marry then one should not get married until they are able to fulfill the conditions of marriage.

    Many books deal with this subject. The book by Hedaya Hartford on the Islamic Marriage is particularly useful.

    Wa Llahu Alim
    The Prophet Muhammad (Salla Llahu alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) said, “Verily Allah does not take away knowledge by snatching it from the people but He takes away knowledge by taking away the scholars, so that when He leaves no learned person, people appoint ignorant as their leaders. They are asked to deliver religious verdicts and they deliver them without knowledge, they go astray, and lead others astray.” [Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim]

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Wa salam Nawawi,

    Thanks again for your reply
    To anyone reading my posts:
    I used to be hadith rejector. After studying hadith at a surface level, I realized the large amount of nonsense dispelled by this forum and their top users. The exemptions are Al Boriqi, Nawawi, Lumumba and hlatif (who is no longer here). My advice, leave this forum. If you read anything of me rejecting hadith, know that it is nonsense and I no longer hold that view. Read my "Bio" for more info.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Quote Originally Posted by aamantubillah View Post
    I

    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503547116
    According to this it is, but I would like to know to what extent.
    Im replying to the part in bold, if you read the page you would see they arent saying it is obligatory (they only mention obligatory under a specific extreme condition).

    It is rather strange you have posted an answer to your own question to begin with.

    Peace

    (edit: just read my post and it seems a little rude, but thats not my intention, just pointing out your observation of the islamonline page was incorrect, and in fact they already give you all your answers, if not completely directly)
    Last edited by Kabeer; 4th August 2009 at 22:04.
    “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Salam Kabeer,

    I understand that you were not trying to be rude,
    Looking at this portion,
    1. Marriage is considered fard (obligatory) if a person is so tormented by sexual desire that he/she fears falling into the sin of fornication. Since staying away from fornication is obligatory, and since marriage is the only avenue for legitimate sexual satisfaction, it becomes obligatory on such a person to get married. This is based on the principle in jurisprudence that says: “If an obligatory thing cannot be fulfilled except by fulfilling another, then fulfilling the latter becomes equally obligatory.”
    it definitely seems to put a lot of emphasis on sexual desires, it makes no mention of financial stability, and other forms of stability that are required in marriage.

    In other words, though it does mention fard, it still does is not a satisfactory response as Nawawi's is.
    Last edited by aamantubillah; 4th August 2009 at 23:29.
    To anyone reading my posts:
    I used to be hadith rejector. After studying hadith at a surface level, I realized the large amount of nonsense dispelled by this forum and their top users. The exemptions are Al Boriqi, Nawawi, Lumumba and hlatif (who is no longer here). My advice, leave this forum. If you read anything of me rejecting hadith, know that it is nonsense and I no longer hold that view. Read my "Bio" for more info.

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    Mr Electron Kabeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Quote Originally Posted by aamantubillah View Post
    Salam Kabeer,

    I understand that you were not trying to be rude,
    Looking at this portion,

    it definitely seems to put a lot of emphasis on sexual desires, it makes no mention of financial stability, and other forms of stability that are required in marriage.

    In other words, though it does mention fard, it still does is not a satisfactory response as Nawawi's is.
    Wasalaam,

    The important point, is islamonline is saying it is obligitory indirectly. Ie the only obligitory thing is staying away from a specific sin God has asked you. The the scholar who answered the question in Islamonline looked for a scenario where something else might make marriage obligatory in an indirect way.

    For instance, the same scenario (of sexual desire) is presented in a hadith here, but the the response we see (but since the hadith is likely not comprehensive we wont know the full story), the Prophet doesnt actually mention marriage is obligatory. Since Abu Hurraira could not afford to get married. http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503543946.

    I like to think up parralel examples, to make it clearer. Lets imagine we have a drug addict, who wants a drug, and if he walks past George St. where there is always a drug dealer, he will most likely buy drugs. It now becomes obligatory upon him to not walk down George St. This is the logic the islamonline scholar was applying.

    There is no obligation for another person to not walk down George st. but it is now obligatory upon the drug user, because he thinks he lacks self control of not taking the drug (which is the sinful part not actually walking down George st).

    I could likely have come up with a better example, but I think this illustrates it.

    Peace,
    Kabeer

    PS: both examples arent even definitive answers, it still hasnt solved the drug addicts problem completely, its just a step. Just as marriage is only an avenue to fulfill that persons desires without falling into zina. But if a person is "tormented by sexual desires", they might even go further, and commit adultery.


    In fact I think this thread ties in with the recent one about people declarign things haraam when they havent been explicitely said so by Allah. In the same way if someone calls something obligatory when it isnt, they will confuse others. It has to be made clear what is the obligation, and what exactly haraam, and then what exactly has been derived from these in an indirect way.
    (the islamonline scholar did not commit this mistake, but it seems like since it wasnt mentioned sooo clearly it has the potential to confuse, as Im guessing it did to you).
    Last edited by Kabeer; 5th August 2009 at 11:56.
    “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Salaam amantubillah

    In my limited knowledge and humble opinion

    1. Marriage is not obligatory but sunnah

    2. Please correct me if I am wrong one of the major collectors of hadith did not marry. Is it Bukhari? stating that he did not have the time

    3. The reason in my opinion emphasis is on sexual desires is that in the absence of marriage it can force a person into un permisisble fornication which is one of the major sins.( Zina)

    4. I do not remember the exact hadith , perhaps one of my learned colleagues on the forum will remind me it concerns a person asking prophet pbuh about marriage but was very poor. My recolelction is and please correct me where I am wrong that prophet pbuh stated that get married and Allah will remove poverity. What I understood was that the spouse will bring her own destiny as well and their financial condition will improve.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Salaam

    I recall an answer by a scholar (on Sunnipath I think it was) regarding this.

    It went something like this.

    1) If the person will commit a sin without get married, then it is obligatory (fardh) to get married.

    2) If there is a high chance that the person will commit a sin without marriage, it is essential (wajib) to get married.

    3) If a person can control their desires and refrain from sinning, then it is mustahab (recommended).

    4) If a person does not have desires of that nature, then it is sunnah.

    5) I also recall there being some conditions wherein one should not get married, but I have forgotten them. So, I hope this answers your question.

    Btw, these "sins" I am referring to are sins of a sexual nature.

  9. #9
    Veteran Member faithful's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Quote Originally Posted by aamantubillah View Post
    I did a search on the forums and the main site but couldn't find a similar question to this, so here it goes.

    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503547116
    According to this it is, but I would like to know to what extent.

    Lets say someone is raped or molested and they associate sex (or men) with the horrible things that have happened to them. Are they exempt?

    What if someone is taking care of their ill mother due to the fact that she needs round the clock care. Or if they are bound by work and school and they really have no time for a wife. Are they exempt?

    Salam,

    To answer your question directly, I may not have an answer of "yes" or "no" , so firt of all I need to quote a verse from Quran :

    [And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put kindness and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think. ] 30:21

    So why are you taking the marriage as an obligation while it's a bless from Allah.
    The marriage in Islam is the only legal way to make the human kind survives.

    Secondly, I can't see any contradiction between the marriage and the situation mentionned above, in the opposite, the marriage can be helping:

    1- An understanding wife can help her husband to get over all the issues of the past
    2- A kind wife will help him to take care of his mother and considers her like her own mother
    3- A patient wife can make her husband succeed wether he is studying or running his career (he can wait untill he finishes school as well)

    Can you please imagine with me all those people you mentionned when they are 50 years old, lonely without anyone arround to take care of them, ask them about the marriage then you will find out the answer

    Salam.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    to the board, sister!

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    Veteran Member faithful's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    and why did you assume that i'm a "sister" ?

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    I don't know. I apologize.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yahya Sulaiman View Post
    I don't know. I apologize.
    It's ok. nothing bad happened
    And i'm a sister thank you for being welcoming.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Salam Faithful,

    Welcome to the forums sister.

    The ayah you showed shows such a beautiful thing that Allah has created. But you are neglecting the fact that some people who are raped or molested may not be in any position to get married. Furthermore, they may view marriage as something that only brings back memories of rape. Upon listening to NPR, I listened to a story of an Asian woman (cant remember what nationality) who was raped by soldiers daily...as in 20+ times a day till she bled. The question I was asking was with respect to an exception.

    1- An understanding wife can help her husband to get over all the issues of the past
    Ideally yes. However, you have to understand most people are will not want to open such wounds once they are in the process of healing (sometimes they never will heal).

    2- A kind wife will help him to take care of his mother and considers her like her own mother
    Ideally yes, but personally speaking, this is am impossibility here in the United States (having time to take care of her) when everyone is at work...literally.

    3- A patient wife can make her husband succeed weather he is studying or running his career (he can wait until he finishes school as well)
    Ideally yes. But I suspect its not as easy as you make it sound. I'm sure you understand the demands of undergraduate and graduate schools. When one's free time is entirely composed of studying, there will be very little time for anything else, let alone a job and a wife. Meaning, she will get little to no attention and she will not be financially supported. Marriage is simply not about ideals and romantic thoughts. It has to be practical. A balance of both, in my opinion, will make the marriage prosper.

    In the same manner you asked me to ask those lonely 50 year olds, I urge you to ask rape victims how they feel about marriage. I can almost guarantee that they are not favorable towards men. Again, I was not asking a general question about marriage, but rather, I was asking with respect to specific cases.

    Have a nice day.
    Last edited by aamantubillah; 8th August 2009 at 04:27.
    To anyone reading my posts:
    I used to be hadith rejector. After studying hadith at a surface level, I realized the large amount of nonsense dispelled by this forum and their top users. The exemptions are Al Boriqi, Nawawi, Lumumba and hlatif (who is no longer here). My advice, leave this forum. If you read anything of me rejecting hadith, know that it is nonsense and I no longer hold that view. Read my "Bio" for more info.

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    Default Re: Is Marriage Obligatory?

    Salaams,
    Quote Originally Posted by faithful View Post
    and why did you assume that i'm a "sister" ?
    Quote Originally Posted by Yahya Sulaiman View Post
    I don't know. I apologize.
    Quote Originally Posted by faithful View Post
    It's ok. nothing bad happened
    And i'm a sister thank you for being welcoming.
    Ahahaaa . Funny stuff. Welcome to forum as well .


    aamantubillah, are you satisfied with the answer/s now?

    Peace.
    “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

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