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Thread: Laughter the best medicine

  1. #16
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    General Cosgrove (Australia) was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

    The radio went silent.

  2. #17
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    A Point of View
    Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

    She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

    From Miss Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to Maintain the old custom.

    Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

    The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

    Moral of the story is.... (No matter where you go)

    ... BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN.

  3. #18
    Veteran Member vinod's Avatar
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Doc, the first one was too good. The second took me a while to laugh 'coz there's a sad side to it as well.
    1.4 billion people live under the poverty line - 1.25 USD per day. 20000 Africans die needlessly everyday due to AIDS, malaria and TB. 1.02 billion people do not have enough to eat. 3/4s of this are rural poor farmers who will also bear the brunt of global warming.

  4. #19

    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    ya , this is true , many people going to find the way of becoming happy.. finding some medicine etc. but the best way is to be happy and get medicine to yourself is to laugh. laughter is the best ever costless medicine...

  5. #20
    Veteran Member vinod's Avatar
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    As a daily habit, the 10-year Old Pintu was reading newspaper.
    Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
    " Its Like...", father said while thinking, " See! I earn and bring
    Money home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'.
    Your mother decides where and how
    to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'.
    That maid in our home is doing all the household work, so she will be
    'Labour Class'.

    You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the
    'Next Generation', understand?".

    That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night
    he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the mattress so
    he was crying.

    Pintu went to wake-up his mother. She was in deep sleep
    So Pintu went to the Maid's room to wake her up. But there his father
    was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

    Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the
    'Governance System'? "..

    Pintu replied, " Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is exploiting
    Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying
    for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man
    is suffering!"
    1.4 billion people live under the poverty line - 1.25 USD per day. 20000 Africans die needlessly everyday due to AIDS, malaria and TB. 1.02 billion people do not have enough to eat. 3/4s of this are rural poor farmers who will also bear the brunt of global warming.

  6. #21
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Brains of Britain




    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
    Contestant: Homosexuals.
    Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you





    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant: Leicester





    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant: Arm
    Stewart White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
    Contestant: Strong.
    Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant: Louis
    Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?




    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
    Contestant: France.
    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
    Contestant: Paris.





    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant: The Conservative Party.




    BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
    DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?





    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
    Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant: Goosey?




    GWR FM 20( Bristol )
    Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO?MANCHESTER)
    Phil: What's 11 squared?

    Contestant: I don't know.
    Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
    Contestant: Is it five?




    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    Contestant: Forrest Gump.





    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Richard: 20 On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant: Er. ... ..
    Richard: He makes bread . . .
    Contestant: Er . .....
    Richard: He makes cakes . . .
    20 Contestant: Kipling Street?



    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant: Barcelona.
    Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .






    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Question: What is the world's largest continent?
    Contestant: The Pacific.






    ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
    Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
    Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?






    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant: Magna Carta?






    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?







    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
    Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
    Caller: Japan.
    Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller: Er ....... Mexico ?






    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
    Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.






    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    20 Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant: Holland?
    Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant: Iceland? Ireland ?
    Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
    It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
    Contestant: No.






    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant: Er.. .... ..
    Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
    Contestant: Blimey?
    Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant: (Silence)
    Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant: Walked?






    THE VAULT
    Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant: Nostalgia.






    LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

    Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
    Contestant: Jewish.
    Presenter: That's close enough.






    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
    Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
    Contestant: Jesus.

  7. #22
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him. " What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life? The old captain replied, " Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

  8. #23
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    AAADD KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!

    Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
    Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

    Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
    Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

    This is how it manifests:

    I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
    I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

    As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that
    I brought up from the mail box earlier.

    I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
    I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full
    So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first..

    But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox
    when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
    I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

    My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where
    I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking I'm going to look for my checks,
    but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over..


    The Pepsi is getting warm,
    and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
    As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter
    catches my eye--they need water.

    I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that
    I've been searching for all morning.

    I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

    I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
    Someone left it on the kitchen table.

    I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote,
    but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
    but first I'll water the flowers.

    I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

    So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill..

    Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

    At the end of the day:
    the car isn't washed
    the bills aren't paid
    there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
    the flowers don't have enough water,
    there is still only 1 check in my check book,
    I can't find the remote,
    I can't find my glasses,
    and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
    Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
    I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
    and I'm really tired.

    I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
    but first I'll check my e-mail...

    Do me a favor.
    Forward this message to everyone you know,
    because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

    Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

  9. #24
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

  10. #25
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Understanding Men

    Because I'm a man,
    when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
    where to start." We will then drink beer.

    Because I'm a man,
    when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

    Because I'm a man,
    I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

    Because I'm a man,
    when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man,
    I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

    Because I'm a man,
    I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

    Because I'm a man,
    I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

    Because I'm a man,
    you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

    Because I'm a man,
    I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Because I'm a man,
    and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

    This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male sex.

  11. #26
    Veteran Member sumuque's Avatar
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
    So, too, the creeds of man: the one prevails
    Until the other comes; and this one fails
    When that one triumphs; ay, the lonesome world
    Will always want the latest fairy tales.
    Al-Ma'arri

  12. #27
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    Wink Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by sumuque View Post
    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
    Hey that’s funny Sumuque. But the thing which makes me smile the most, is the knowledge that you have finally found the correct place to put your posts – the Just for Jokes section!

    Sorry Sumuque, I couldn't resist that !!!
    It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.
    -Alice

  13. #28
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by -Farrah- View Post
    Hey that’s funny Sumuque. But the thing which makes me smile the most, is the knowledge that you have finally found the correct place to put your posts – the Just for Jokes section!

    Sorry Sumuque, I couldn't resist that !!!
    That was sister.You made my day.

  14. #29
    Veteran Member sumuque's Avatar
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by -Farrah- View Post
    Hey that’s funny Sumuque. But the thing which makes me smile the most, is the knowledge that you have finally found the correct place to put your posts – the Just for Jokes section!

    Sorry Sumuque, I couldn't resist that !!!
    Oh you are welcome and I am happy to "entertain" you by any mean ..!
    So, too, the creeds of man: the one prevails
    Until the other comes; and this one fails
    When that one triumphs; ay, the lonesome world
    Will always want the latest fairy tales.
    Al-Ma'arri

  15. #30
    Veteran Member vinod's Avatar
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Sumuque, Farrah

    Pls get a grip over yourselves and leave each other alone. You're bringing down the forum quality along with yourselves. I've deleted the last 4 posts of yours. They were despicable, pretentious and dishonourable.
    1.4 billion people live under the poverty line - 1.25 USD per day. 20000 Africans die needlessly everyday due to AIDS, malaria and TB. 1.02 billion people do not have enough to eat. 3/4s of this are rural poor farmers who will also bear the brunt of global warming.

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