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Thread: Laughter the best medicine

  1. #196
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Play on words...


    · A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired.
    · A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.
    · A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.
    · A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
    · A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
    · Acupuncture : . . . a jab well done.
    · I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
    · Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    · I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
    · I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
    · Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
    · He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
    · Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    · I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
    · I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
    · Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
    · Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
    · A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
    · A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
    · When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
    · The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.
    · Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
    · When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
    · Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
    · There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
    · The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
    · I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
    · Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
    · A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
    · A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
    · Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
    · Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
    · It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
    · I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
    · My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
    · The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
    · What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
    · If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
    · · The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
    · John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
    · Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
    · I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania

  2. #197
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    Default Re: Laughter the best medicine

    Moishe the Carpenter, returning home with his week’s wages, was accosted by an armed robber on a deserted street.

    “Take my money,” said Moishe, “but do me a favour: “Shoot a bullet through my hat otherwise my wife won’t believe I was robbed.”

    The robber obliged.

    He threw Moishe’s hat into the air and put a bullet through it.

    “Let’s make it look as if I ran into a gang of robbers,” said Moishe, “otherwise my wife will call me a coward! Please shoot a number of holes through my coat.”

    So the robber shot a number of holes through the carpenter’s coat. “And now…” continued Moishe.

    “Sorry,” interrupted the robber.

    “No more holes. I’m out of bullets.”

    “That’s all I wanted to know!” said Moishe.

    “Now hand me back my money and some more for the hat and coat that you’ve ruined or I’ll beat you black and blue!”

    The robber threw down the money and ran.

    Moral:

    It's never too late to use our brains to get out of a difficult situation!!

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