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Thread: What about love?

  1. #1
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    Default What about love?

    Hello everyone,

    I have been following this forum for sometime now and decided I should plunge in and try and get my views across. The topic I want to talk about is love between a man and a woman (unmarried). I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as it remains within the bounds of decency. I did not come across anything in the Quran that forbids love.

    I am a muslim by the way.

  2. #2
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    Salaam brother (or sister) Modest,

    Welcome to the forum! We hope u have a delightful stay with us. This question has been asked soooo many times! If u check out the other threads u will get ur answer.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as it remains within the bounds of decency.

    Can i humbly ask u what u mean by the "bounds of decency"? I mean what would u say are the limits that u can go to and what would u say its too far.

    Well, i know for a fact that illicit relationships are not allowed in Islam, but i am no expert on the Quran. Perhaps one of the other brothers will offer u proof.

    And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows best.

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    Thanks for replying Sheikh Haroon. Just to clarify, this is brother modest....not sister.

    i will be sure to check out other threads relating to the topic.

    'bounds of decency' in my opinion can be defined as anything short of haraam...that is from a religious point of view. You could also say that it can mean; 'what the culture dictates or perceives to be ok' but since cultures differ across the world, and islam is not bound by or to any man made traditions, i prefer to stick to the first definition.

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    Salaam brother modest,

    Thanks for your reply,

    Well would u mind telling me, from your own personal knowledge and experience, and culture whose pathway is approved by Islam. My humble point, is simply that there are few, if any, cultures and societies in the world who have decent morals and codes to abide by.

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    you are right sheikh haroon; there aren't that many cultures or societies that have decent morals by islamic standards. that is why i am sticking to the first definition. after all culture does not define islam, it should be the other way round (at least for muslim countries).

    the issue here remains, do you thing love is forbidden or should be avoided? I don't......you see....love is a natural instinct, i do not believe it is there to be suppressed.


  6. #6
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    Salaam brother modest,

    U are right brother, love is natural and therefore should not be made forbidden and our beautiful religion has seen to that. U see love is not wrong, it is allowed with your wife. As u may have read, i personally believe that there is no such thing as love before marriage rather that it is lust, want and desire for the person. Of course i also believe, and it is only my humble opinion, that if u do truly and i mean TRULY love the person, then u will wait for marriage, so that it is more special an occasion for u. U really should read up a few other threads, our views are apparent in many.

    And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows best.

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    the issue here remains, do you thing love is forbidden or "should be avoided? I don't......you see....love is a natural instinct, i do not believe it is there to be suppressed.
    "
    Salaam Modest,
    Love is a extremely strong emotion, and it is Allah that blessed us with our emotions. Love should be avoided, but why in the world should it be forbidden. Love should be kept sacred for either your husband or wife. Besides that, if love was forbidden, what else do we have to share with our lifetime partners? Also, what you said is right, love is a natural instinct which cannot be destroyed but can be controlled, and in order to control those feelings you'd have to surpress them.In other words "lower your gaze"

    Hope you understand


  8. #8
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    Hello Americangirl,

    may i just say that 'lower your gaze' is not meant to be 'do not look', it means 'do not stare'. when I walk in the street or sit in a public place, I do not spend my time trying to avoid looking at women, as you may have noticed they are everywhere. Love must not be avoided, if you feel it, you should nurture it. In the islamic world, in most cases, when a man loves a woman, and they are both unmarried, the result is marriage. and so it is not a bad thing after all. we should base our lives and decisions on what is positive rather than the negative aspects of things.

    we all heard the phrase 'you cannot help who you fall in love with' you know you cannot plan that you will not fall in love unless you are married. Love in any muslim community leads to marriage in the vast majority of cases, and so I think it is a good thing.

    Let us not confuse love with lust, trust me, they are entirely different. Love does not mean lust, and lust does not mean love.

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    "I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as it remains within the bounds of decency."

    LOL, yeah like that's gonna work! too much temptation for me.


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    too much temptation for me too as i live in europe. I admit that i have given in to the temptations myself sometimes, but i try my best to keep myself on the right path. I am a human being afterall and so i make mistakes. the issue here is to try and refrain from temptations, if you fall into the trap, do not despair, just ask god for forgiveness. do not give up on islam because it sets strict rules by the standard of the society you live in, just do your best and keep on believing and eventually all should be fine.


  11. #11
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    "we all heard the phrase 'you cannot help who you fall in love with' you know you cannot plan that you will not fall in love unless you are married. Love in any muslim community leads to marriage in the vast majority of cases, and so I think it is a good thing.
    Let us not confuse love with lust, trust me, they are entirely different. Love does not mean lust, and lust does not mean love."

    Well, well what can I say, its about time you said something right, and of course, I am not stupid, there is no such thing as love before marriage. It might be lust, yes, or maybe even infatuation, definetly, but I truly think that some people confuse love with lust and infatuation. Have you heard the term "Love at first sight?" It might be "Lust at first sight" until otherwise:

    Best regards



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    i am not entierly sure you understood what i am trying to say here americangirl. There is such a thing as love before marriage. it exists, i tried it, and it was not lust. I think i can pretty much tell the difference.

    what i am trying to say is that you cannot plan who you fall in love with. let me say it again, love leads to marriage in the vast majority of cases. it does not lead to adultery in the vast majority of cases. we cannot base our views of love on what the minority or people in the west do.

    hope you understand

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    salaam Modest,

    Modest I understand what you are trying to say, and yes I know that in the majority of most cases love will eventually lead to Marriage. Of course, that is the only legal way to be intimate;etc. You say the people of the "west" base their views on love, yes, because that is their culture influencing them and but not to sure about the religion.

    Best Regards




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    so is love before marriage ok then? let me paint a picture here:

    a man and a woman meet somehow, have feelings for each other and plan to get married as soon as they can so they can be together forever. the reason the want to get married is that they have compatible personalities and know they will have a happy life together. Not just because they want to have sex. I am not saying that sex will not cross their minds, but it is not the primary driving force behind the union.

    is it ok then?

    let me just say that marriage without love can also be driven by sex. am i right?


  15. #15
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    marriage in Islam can be for a variety of reasons - love, sex, wealth, status, piety.

    piety is said to be the best reason to marry someone, but that is not to say any of the other reasons are inherently wrong.


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