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Thread: Relationship between a boy and a girl....

  1. #1

    Default Relationship between a boy and a girl....

    Salaam

    I am a young guy...17 years of age...living as a muslim in a western country...Norway. As most of the young mmuslims, I also face many problem every which I have to deal with in a correct and Islamic manner. Sometimes, it can be confusing when u dont know what u r doing is right or wrong. Let me give u an example...

    One week before Ramadan...I got to know a girl...I was very interested in her...and she was also very curious about me. She is 16 years old...she is a shia-muslim while I am a sunni...How my relationship with her went is another story...but I want to know is she halaal to me or haram? Is it OK for me to have a relationship with a girl before marriage...???? The girl had been with 8 boyfriends before, without the feeling that she has committed a sin...but I wonder....did I make a sin when I started mey contact with her???


  2. #2
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    Yes, premarital sex is a sin, but I see no reason why a Sunni and a Shiite shouldn't be allowed to be a couple.


  3. #3
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    I am not very good at this, please correct me if I am wrong anywone.
    But maybe be4 marriage u try to make her sunni?

    My Msn: hummam@msn.com

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    What do you mean contact, brother mustafa? If you mean sex then U would have been married to that girl by now if u lived in a pure islamic society.(wether u like it or not)

    fariad

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    assalamu'alaikum,

    there are no personal relationships condoned by Islam between non-mahram* men and women. this even includes any unneccesary talking between the sexes, such that any conversation that does occur should be Tottally neccessary, and be busniness-like and formal. not flirtatious, and half-coy.

    this principle, is based upon Quranic instruction, which tells us in surah Nisa "la taqrabuz'zinna" :do not go NEAR Zina (adultery/fornication). it doesnt simply tell us to refrain from commiting zinna like the commandments revealed to moses, it doesnt say "thou shalt not" but "dont even go near zinna"...from this, the accepted wisdom is that any events that Lead one to zinna are ALSO haraam, including having relationships as girlfriend/boyfriend, flirting etc etc you know what i mean.

    with regards to the fact that the girl in this situation is a shia, i would say, and others may strongly disagree with me here, notably shia's i expect, that shi'ite articles of fatih directly contradict mainstream islam, which not even shias can deny is fundamentally sunni. there is no compatiiblity between shia beleifs, and sunni ones. and although this may sound fundamentalist-extremsist, i dont particularly accept shia's as people who subscribe to Islam proper. and sure i am fundamentalist, in that i value the fundamental principles of islam, and am not willing to be reduced an a blubbering apologetic sell-out or start dumbing-down islam to be more pallatable to an apparently politically-correct collective psyche.

    so the muslim action-plan-list will look something like this:

    1. cease all unnecesary contact with the shia girl, and any non mahram girl for that matter.

    2. ask permission from youre parents to start looking for a wife. and remember, money and other pragmatic considerations are no argument for delaying marriage in islam, there are strong hadith to the nearest effect saying "he who marries in order to protect his chastity, Allah will make his sustenance easy (or) Allah will provide for him". (i think its in bhukari)

    3. if you dont get married, fast. im sure youve heard this many times before, and know what im implying.

    4. and if you insist on pursuing the relationship, against all islamic principles of modesty and chastity, incurring Allah's curse as a result, then atleast revert the shia girl to sunni beleifs. to do this, you'll need heavy doses of hikmah (use of a carefully considered approach) and bucketfulls of sabr (patience, in the face of adversity). its an uphill struggle.

    5. and finally, find a decent scholar, or someone who is learned to some degree, to find out what you stand for as a muslim, ethically. its an obligation on all muslims to seek knowledge, especially knowledge pertaining to deen.

    wassalamu'alaikum,
    im hope i havent confused anyone (too much),
    yusuf.

    *mahram= person to whom marriage is, not only unthinkable, but not permissible, these include (for a girl)... (so obviously the parrallel opposites for a guy): her father, brother, maternal/paternal Blood uncle, grandfather, direct first nephews, and sons. there may be more, allah forgive me if ive left any out. other than the above people, all men are non-mahram to the hypothetical muslimah in question. lol, hope thats clear, inshallah.

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    salam alykom brother mostafa

    not a problem that she s shia & u r sunni but the problem is that its a premarital realtionship
    so take care




  7. #7

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    Salaam brother
    Thanks for ur reply...it helped me a lot, especially ur reference to the verse in surah al-Nisa

    I also dont consider shias to be proper muslims...I have talked to my local Imam, and what he told surprised me...they do not respect many of the great sahabas like Abu Bakr, Omar, Othman etc...but thats another issue...

    I have broken all my ties with this girl now...we used to be friends so I cant ignore here totally, I do talk to here sometimes, but nothing more than that....



    assalamu'alaikum,

    there are no personal relationships condoned by Islam between non-mahram* men and women. this even includes any unneccesary talking between the sexes, such that any conversation that does occur should be Tottally neccessary, and be busniness-like and formal. not flirtatious, and half-coy.

    this principle, is based upon Quranic instruction, which tells us in surah Nisa "la taqrabuz'zinna" :do not go NEAR Zina (adultery/fornication). it doesnt simply tell us to refrain from commiting zinna like the commandments revealed to moses, it doesnt say "thou shalt not" but "dont even go near zinna"...from this, the accepted wisdom is that any events that Lead one to zinna are ALSO haraam, including having relationships as girlfriend/boyfriend, flirting etc etc you know what i mean.

    with regards to the fact that the girl in this situation is a shia, i would say, and others may strongly disagree with me here, notably shia's i expect, that shi'ite articles of fatih directly contradict mainstream islam, which not even shias can deny is fundamentally sunni. there is no compatiiblity between shia beleifs, and sunni ones. and although this may sound fundamentalist-extremsist, i dont particularly accept shia's as people who subscribe to Islam proper. and sure i am fundamentalist, in that i value the fundamental principles of islam, and am not willing to be reduced an a blubbering apologetic sell-out or start dumbing-down islam to be more pallatable to an apparently politically-correct collective psyche.

    so the muslim action-plan-list will look something like this:

    1. cease all unnecesary contact with the shia girl, and any non mahram girl for that matter.

    2. ask permission from youre parents to start looking for a wife. and remember, money and other pragmatic considerations are no argument for delaying marriage in islam, there are strong hadith to the nearest effect saying "he who marries in order to protect his chastity, Allah will make his sustenance easy (or) Allah will provide for him". (i think its in bhukari)

    3. if you dont get married, fast. im sure youve heard this many times before, and know what im implying.

    4. and if you insist on pursuing the relationship, against all islamic principles of modesty and chastity, incurring Allah's curse as a result, then atleast revert the shia girl to sunni beleifs. to do this, you'll need heavy doses of hikmah (use of a carefully considered approach) and bucketfulls of sabr (patience, in the face of adversity). its an uphill struggle.

    5. and finally, find a decent scholar, or someone who is learned to some degree, to find out what you stand for as a muslim, ethically. its an obligation on all muslims to seek knowledge, especially knowledge pertaining to deen.

    wassalamu'alaikum,
    im hope i havent confused anyone (too much),
    yusuf.

    *mahram= person to whom marriage is, not only unthinkable, but not permissible, these include (for a girl)... (so obviously the parrallel opposites for a guy): her father, brother, maternal/paternal Blood uncle, grandfather, direct first nephews, and sons. there may be more, allah forgive me if ive left any out. other than the above people, all men are non-mahram to the hypothetical muslimah in question. lol, hope thats clear, inshallah.

  8. #8
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    First of all, the girl has been with 8 boyfriends before. That goes completely against the teachings of Islam.

    As for her being Shia, but do not expect her to become Sunni. No where in the Quran or by the words of Mohammad(pbuh) says that Sunni and Shia are not compatible. They can live side by side, but most would prefer to marry with their own kind. Shia with Shia and Sunni with Sunni.


  9. #9
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    No where in the Quran or by the words of Mohammad(pbuh) says that Sunni and Shia are not compatible.

    Well this is quite logical, as those denominations popped out of the ground after Mohammad(pbuh) had died.

    May Peace be with you.

  10. #10
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    exactly...Shiite Islam started appearing distinct after the 1st fitna *civil war*..way after the Prophet(pbuh)died. So OF COURSE theres nothing in the koran about it...Islam is one..there is only ONE true islamic path...there are no exceptions.

    El hamdolallah ya rab

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    Well...i agree with the whole shiite issue...it still deviates from the correct form of islam...but i see no reason why u cannot marry her...after all, a man is entitled to marry a christian!! But the whole idea of u having a relationship with her..thats a different story..and is probably somewhat haram..if not completely haram...If u have good intentions and ur planning to marry her, then may allah guide u through this, but if ur just playing around and just looking for sex...then ask forgiveness from Allah..and for God's sake dont do it again!!

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    Wow Marwa! I would really like to know more about 'somewhat haram' and 'completely haram'.

    Thanks in anticipation for your explanation.


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    Salaam

    I am guy who is 16 yrs old. I live in Sweden and some days ago I felt in love with a muslim girl whom I had seen On Eid party. So the first thing I did when I came home was search and find out if love is a sin. Than I came to this site or forum and found out that it is wrong. Since then I have tried to forget her but I can't. Everytime I am sitting alone and doing my work she comes popping up. The strange thing is that I never really felt and am still not feeling that I want her to be mine because I know it's wrong but why does she always pop up. Please tell me a way to make this vanish.

  14. #14

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    Salaam Mustafa,

    The Quran does not say anything inparticular about "dating," but read this article, I had the same problems, I am 17 and when you're this young hormones fly off the wall, the reason I choose to stay away from girls now is I do not want to do anything wrong, I believe kids are easier to tempt than mature adults. Here is an article I read about it which I thought was very good and helped me make some of my own decisions thank God.

    .
    . Dating - It's More Tempting Than You Think

    by: Amir. K


    Is dating against the Quran? Believe me, I have spent many a long night trying to figure this one out for myself. I've been searching for that one magical verse or explanation that makes everything clear. Let me break the suspense by saying that I have yet to find that one verse. The good news is that my search has given me a much better understanding of this difficult question. I have come to realize that dating is a process that occupies a great deal of your emotions and tempts you physically so fast that you don't realize what hit you. The process spins out of control and becomes very hard to control. The real challenge to your faith starts when precious attention shifts away from the needs of your soul to the needs of your body and drains your efforts to increase your remembrance of God.


    Typically, the word dating is used when a guy and a girl develop both an intimate physical and social relationship together. The physical part is as simple as holding hands and evolves into hugging, kissing and

    other forms of sexual relations. What's the bid deal with a little kiss or hand holding? Yes, I can certainly relate that it's innocent and very common, but I can assure you that it's more involved than you imagine. For one thing, there are verses in the Quran that regard this type of interaction as much more serious than we would like to think. In addition to having to deal with the Quranic aspect of this issue, you are occupying your mind with sensitive and powerful emotions that do not help you in remembering God and growing your soul. The daily challenge of submitting to God and working righteousness becomes harder and less active in your mind as you become increasingly attracted to your mate with your thoughts, emotions, and time. Although you may use good arguments to comfort your mind that your actions are harmless, your soul feels the energy that is being taken away and becomes weaker and more vulnerable. The time and attention you give to your emotional attachment is the precious strength your soul needs to grow. Increasing your physical and emotional contact happens naturally since your convinced mind can't hear the weak calls from your soul.


    I am pretty sure that no matter how strong you are, you are likely to experience this uncontrollable cycle when you invite the process of dating to your life. If you feel you can date someone without the physical stuff, you should be very honest with yourself and think about God first before you make your decision. For some, there may be a sincere intention to have only a social interaction with a person. In this case, the relationship should be called a friendship, not dating, so that you can have a clear understanding from the very beginning without any room for guesswork or temptation. However, if you are dating someone now or think you are just "friends" but are experiencing a desire for contact and romance, you should ask yourself one question: "what's the point of winning the battles of avoiding the physical stuff while your soul is losing the war from all the energy and effort that's being drained away? If you are giving in to your urges and satisfying your physical desires, I suggest you fasten your seat belt before continuing to read some of the verses I come cross in the Quran.


    There are clear verses in the Quran against the natural results of dating; from the seemingly innocent kiss to the more obvious. God instructs all of us eligible bachelors and bachelorettes to maintain

    our chastity until marriage (5:5, 23:5-7, 24:30-31, 70:29-31). Chastity is defined Quranically in 23:6 as avoiding sexual relations. You may try to ease your mind quickly by defining sexual relations as intercourse only, leaving all other contact as fair game. That's a pretty good argument that I've tried to use myself more than once. According to the Quran, however, sexual relations include any intimate physical contact. Let's look at if from another angle. How can we justify holding someone's hand romantically or kissing them when God asks us to be extra careful by subduing our eyes (24:30-31) and even avoid meeting secretly unless we have something righteous to discuss (2:235). The classic argument to support physical relations is claiming that the person is "rightfully yours." You convince yourself that the person you are dating, which happens to be a fellow submitter or a potential convert, will be your future spouse. Based on your reasoning, sexual relations with someone who is rightfully yours is not as bad and makes you feel less guilty about your actions. If you think about this line of reasoning carefully, you will find some big problems. The least important is the fact that you are probably years away from being ready to tie the knot. Of course, completing your education, having a source of income besides your weekly allowance, and setting up a place to live other than your parents' house are useful little details that may have skipped your mind. By that time, the "rightfully yours" dream date may be out of your life and you realize your useful excuse provided temporary pleasure at a great expense to your soul. The main problem with the rightfully yours argument is that this Quranic statement has nothing to do with supporting dating intentions. Unfortunately, I have even seen parents use this argument to ease their mind or justify dating for their child. Instead of encouraging their child to focus on God continually (20:132) and avoid the temptation of dating, they give in to peer pressure and the common practices of today. They reason that it's better for their child to start a relationship with someone they know, especially if it's a submitter, rather than remaining single and being vulnerable to others. Ahhhh, the submitter argument. We have all used this at one time for one reason or another. Surly, it can't be all that bad if two young and innocent submitters are dating? Actually, it's much worse since both are fully aware of the result of tempting God's advice knowingly.


    Speaking of consequences, what does the Quran say about this issue? There are some very strong words used in reference to having sexual relations and deciding not to maintain your chastity knowingly. God uses the words transgressor, a sinner, a rejecter of faith, all your works will be in vain, and in the Hereafter you will be with the losers (5:5, 23:7 and 70:31). These descriptions definitely caught my attention too! We are not talking about a simple slap on the hand. God mentions that all your works will be in vain. After putting these pieces of the puzzle together, the dangers of dating start becoming much more clear. Of course, we know that God is Most Merciful and is the acceptor of repentance. But why should you bring yourself to the point of having to repent when you have the power to remain steadfast from the very beginning? Keep in mind also that the example you set when you date as a submitter is very damaging since you are supporting something that is against the faith you are practicing everyday. What explanation do you give to your little brother, sister, or submitter friends and youth who are striving along the path of submission with you?


    Where does this leave you? You are a single young and attractive submitter with your emotions and hormones revving in high gear. All you see around you are images of love, romance, passion and sex. Your

    friends seem to go through dates like it's a fruit and you wonder if they are beginning to question your sexual orientation. The prospect of waiting to get married feels like a hopeless eternity. You begin to

    ask yourself why you should have to endure such temptation. The answer is very simple. God has blessed you with the light of submission while your friends and the rest of the world are dancing helplessly down a dark and dangerous path. God has given you the chance to strive for an everlasting life that radiates with happiness and peace. Before you begin to feel sorry for yourself, ask yourself if you are willing to trade this awesome blessing for the temporary enjoyment your friends are experiencing? I don't think so. Your path is rare and requires you to work hard and strive. You have to demonstrate with your actions and intentions that you are worthy of being a submitter. You have to use all your strength, patience and faith to overcome the challenges that are testing your faith in God. Passing your test can as simple as avoiding dating and controlling your physical urges. This feeling is extremely hard to tolerate and the challenge is difficult, but the outcome is worth every effort. Know that God does not burden you beyond your means. The weaker you feel, the more you are being signaled to pull yourself away from temptation and towards God. The beauty of God's system is that He not only rewards you for your efforts in the Hereafter but also showers you with all sorts of rewards in this life for your commitment. God promises a deep and meaningful happiness that is far greater than any temporary romance can ever bring you. This relationship with God is strong and stays with you forever unlike the short relationships that bring quick pleasure but end in disappointment and emotional pain. For this reason, following the example of a submitter is a rare and beautiful honor that we should be proud uphold. Our example can be a source of inspiration and guidance for our friends. After all, we know that everyone can date easily. But, who can demonstrate the strong character and personality that comes only from a meaningful relationship with God?


    It seems to me that any way I look at it, I see dating as being a harmful process for the soul no matter how you try to justify your action. How can we stay clear of such an attractive temptation that is so common among our circle of friends and community? The best way to avoid a dating situation starts by accepting God's advice from the very beginning without any hesitation or doubts. This understanding means you leave no doubt in your mind that dating is out of the question for you. If you leave any wiggle room or gray area in your thinking, you will soon find yourself trying to convince your mind that certain aspects of dating are just fine. Before you know it, you are in this blinding cycle that takes control of you. The next step is to keep a close eye on your emotional attachments and, what I call "soap opera daydreaming." You may have accepted that dating is not right for you but you may find yourself fantasizing about the perfect relationship, a romantic encounter, or the classic made for television love affair. If you are not in a position to get married, it's better to put these thoughts on hold since it makes the process of staying single much harder. Such thoughts can cloud your judgment and can make the smallest encounter appear as the start of a great love story. These romantic affairs and tearjerkers we see in the movies are made to sell tickets and popcorn, not our souls. Keep in mind that the true love you will experience in marriage is nothing like that dramatic "crush" that seems to run your life until it evaporates into thin air. When you sense your emotions are running away from you, take a time out for a reality check. Drop the idea from your mind and analyze the situation as if you are asking God for advice. Know that God is aware of your innermost intentions and that He is the Best Supporter. Finally, I must point out that we seem to notice only the positive images of dating. The flip side is often very disappointing and, in some cases, devastating to the emotions. The saying that "all good things come to an end" is especially true with dating. There is the pain of separation, the feelings of rejection, denial, depression, and dealing with the reality that you shared the most private experiences of your life with someone who is now a stranger to you. Of course, we also have the very likely possibility of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases to deal with.


    What is the alternative to dating? Believe it or not, there is another world outside dating that is even more rewarding for your soul and your emotional needs. Once you place your trust in God's system, you can see everyone from the filter of true friendship. There will be no pressure to impress others, to change your ways or act differently. You will be a free spirit enjoying the company of people you meet without expectations or desires. You can start having many meaningful friendships instead of spending most of your time with only one person. You will experience the beauty of this diversity, the fun of having such different personalities in your life and the blessing of being able to turn to a strong social network in the time of need. These friendships will be there for you and last through times of difficulty. Most importantly, you not only save emotional energy, you gain even more strength from your friends; strength that you need in your path of submission to God. If you are eager to start a relationship or are finding yourself in a questionable situation now, make your intention clear that you desire only friendship and avoid situations that trigger your physical or emotional urges. Spend your time in larger group settings or in a family environment. Avoid one-to-one encounters until you know deep inside that the relationship is clearly friendship. Even then, it's always better to involve your other friends when you want to do something. You know what they say, "the more, the merrier."


    If you think you're missing the boat by not dating and that you will never meet that "dream" person, I have some great news for you. Your boat is in perfect condition and is not going anywhere without you. God is in control of everything. He knows the best time for you to get married and He has already picked out the perfect mate for you. No matter how hard you try on your own or rush the process, you will never find the perfect match that God is waiting to give you. All you need to do is place your trust in God, have patience, and stay firm in your commitment to keep your purity of body and mind. Once you are ready to share in the blessing of marriage, you will appreciate why
    God has encouraged you to stay single for such a special occasion.


    See the experience of one of the teenagers and our response. Click here.


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    I seek refuge in God from Satan the rejected

    In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful


    [2:235] You commit no sin by announcing your engagement to the women, or keeping it secret. GOD knows that you will think about them. Do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to discuss. Do not consummate the marriage until their interim is fulfilled. You should know that GOD knows your innermost thoughts, and observe Him. You should know that GOD is Forgiver, Clement.

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    (5:5) … Also, you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers.Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers.

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    [20:132] You shall enjoin your family to observe the contact prayers (Salat), and steadfastly persevere in doing so. We do not ask you for any provisions; we are the ones who provide for you. The ultimate triumph belongs to the righteous.

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    (23:1-7) Successful indeed are the believers; who are reverent during their Contact Prayers (Salat). And they avoid vain talk. And they give their obligatory charity (Zakat). And they maintain their chastity. Only with their spouses, or those who are rightfully theirs, do they have sexual relations; they are not to be blamed. Those who transgress these limits are the transgressors.

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    [24:30] Tell the believing men that they shall subdue their eyes (and not stare at the women), and to maintain their chastity. This is purer for them. GOD is fully Cognizant of everything they do.

    [24:31] And tell the believing women to subdue their eyes, and maintain their chastity. They shall not reveal any parts of their bodies, except that which is necessary. They shall cover their chests, and shall not relax this code in the presence of other than their husbands, their fathers, the fathers of their husbands, their sons, the sons of their husbands, their brothers, the sons of their brothers, the sons of their sisters, other women, the male servants or employees whose sexual drive has been nullified, or the children who have not reached puberty. They shall not strike their feet when they walk in order to shake and reveal certain details of their bodies. All of you shall repent to GOD, O you believers, that you may succeed.

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    (30:21) Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

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    [70:29] They keep their chastity.

    [70:30] (They have relations) only with their spouses, or what is legally theirs -

    [70:31] anyone who transgresses these limits is a sinner.

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    (94:5-8) With pain there is gain. Indeed, with pain there is gain. Whenever possible you shall strive. Seeking only your Lord.


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    Dear Adam and Chancellor,

    I am a freshman in college and I have a problem that has been bothering me very much for the past few weeks and I hope that you can help me. You see, not until the end of last semester, I didn't agree with the idea that a teenager shouldn't date or have a crush on someone until they are seeking to get married. So, I developed a crush on a guy. I really started liking him a lot and thought about him constantly. In class, I would sit next to him and we'd discuss very profound topics. So, not only was I falling for him physically, but I also loved his personality and intelligence. What I also liked was the fact that he is a Christian and was very much interested in learning more about Islam. So, I felt wonderful teaching him about some of the beautiful aspects of the Muslim religion. I was very happy to find a boy who I liked so much and who I found myself to be so happy to be around.Well, all of this turned sour when we went to a school dance together. I went thinking that the farthest I would do was to dance with him. But, with the Jinn whispering in my ear, I ended up doing a lot more than that.

    Thank God, I didn't give up my chastity, but I ended up sleeping in his bed (a practice that is all too common on a college campus) I felt so wonderful in his arms, especially because I had liked him for so long. Well, the next morning after the dance, I felt terrible. I felt very empty inside and like I did something very bad. What made it worse was that our friendship became very awkward, and he didn't like me as much as I liked him. So, I became extremely upset and I remembered reading an article on your website about dating and I remembered reading things in that article that didn't truly sink in when I first read them but now made a lot of sense after I had experienced what I did. At the time, I felt like my soul was tarnished. So, I decided to turn to God and repent for my sins and try to remain pure and good and not think of boys in the same way that I used to. In fact, this experience has completely changed my life and has made me a better submitter. But, my problem is this. I am having an extremely difficult time getting over this boy. I think that deep down, I still like him very much. What makes it hurt so bad is that I haven't talked to him about this situation at all because it would be extremely awkward and I don't know if he's mature enough to understand where I'm coming from and I don't know if it would be the best move to disclose all my feelings to him. In fact, he probably thinks that I still want a relationship with him and that's really not what I want at all. I really want to get over him. Something that has happened most recently, was that he has been treating me extremely rudely. For example, I pass him on the street and say hi to him and he completely ignores me and he intentionally invites me to dinner and then ends up not calling me at all to go with him. At first, this attitude made me very feel very upset and hurt because the boy that I thought was so wonderful turned out to be a very cruel individual. But, now that I think of it, I think that it's a good thing that this is happeining because it is helping me get over him.... but not as well as I wish it would. Basically, I want to know what to do in such a situation. Should I ignore him completely? How do I get over him and no longer think of him as I once did? How can I get back the friendship I once had with him... or is that even possible? Can I even trust myself to not fall for him again or should I avoid all contact with him? Whenever I read the Koran, I feel a lot better about this problem but I still have an extremely hard time getting over him. Please help me.

    Sincerely,

    Torn and Tarnished


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    Dear Torn and Tarnished,


    You need to talk to this person and set the record straight. The only way you can get over him and avoid the temptation of falling again is to tell him clearly what you believe in. Be open and honest. Your goal is to impress God not anyone else. Tell him that what you did was wrong and that you are feeling bad and guilty. Tell him that you desire only to be his friend and will not allow yourself to get in the same situation. It really helps to say these things in front of him since it serves to reinforce your own decision. It sounds like this guy is not even worth the friendship. The way he is treating you is immature and rude. You are way above this and need to surround yourself with friends that are supportive. God is giving you all the signs. Occupy your time with other activities and friends so that free time does not distract you into thinking about him. Remember, you are being tested. As soon as the thoughts come to your mind, it's your chance to remember God and prove that you will pass this test. Ask for forgiveness, repent and reform. I know you can do it. Most importantly, continue following your practices, reading the Quran and leading a righteous life. Let me know if you need any other support.

    God bless you,

    Adam




    Karim, Submitter.
    www.submission.org

  15. #15

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    Salaam First_sight,

    There is a quote in the Quran that says something like "God knows that you will cherish them in your hearts." It is not wrong to like a girl, but when you are actually involved and you know, for exmaple, sleeping with her is wrong and you do it anyway, that could be held against you. I do not see anything wrong with caring for someone in your heart, also you're young, see how long the feelings last, see if she's really who you think she is but try not to get too intimate. "Do not meet in secret unless you have something honorable to discuss."

    Karim, Submitter.
    www.submission.org

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