Prearranged Marriages

[Dilkakyakasoor]

I was wondering if in the relgion of islam if this happens. I know that if it is in the relgion, than in the Crountrys that are mostly Muslim than it does happen, but does it happen in America?
thank you

[saffiyya]

Hello,
Yes, arranged marriages happen all the time in the US. There are even services that match people up, as many Muslims here are converts/reverts with no family connections in the Muslim communities.
Peace,
saffiyya

[Ronnie]

Arranged marriages are not an Islamic concept it's more cultural.

Regards

[asma sheikh]

as salam alaikum
well in the same context . i have a question .if arrange marriages arenot an islamic concept .then can anyone tell me how is it all suppose to happen? i am aware that love marriage in islam is a no no then if arrange marriage is also not an islamic concept ? i wonder how one should get married
looking forward to answers
wassalam

asma

[nr]

Marriage should never be forced on someone.
In the US, mothers, especially hispanic,
will ask you if you want to marry their daughter,
but the final decision is left to the couple.

[Amin]

Arranged marriages often become forced marriages. At least amongst Pakistani people (both in Pakistan and other countries, like Norway and Denmark). I heard from my father that I have to marry my cousine when I was 14 years old. If I even try to say no, then it won't be pretty... This is from the secular culture. Probably from the earlier India and hindu traditions. It has no place in Islam.

There is no genious without bit of insanity -Sokrates
May Allah swt give us all good health and good imaan.
Wa'Salaam

[Ronnie]

Salam,

There are two forms of pre-arranged marriages.

1. The negative- which forces two persons into wed-lock without either one or both mates agreeing. This is completely against Islam.

2. The positive- which introduces two seemingly compatible people by family or close relatives. As long as both agree to marry then its fine. This does not break any Islamic rule.

There is no method of marriage in Islam. The only thing forbidden is if the marriage is against Islamic morals. I don't know what "love marriage" is but indeed Islam promotes a loving relationship between husband and wife.

NR, I've never heard of such a thing, maybe you can elaborate. I have many Hispanic friends but have never been exposed to that side of their culture.

Regards



Edited by - Ronnie on 05/17/2003 16:49:06

[nr]

You have hispanic friends but may have never met a hispanic
mother... You might also watch the movie "like water for chocolate"
I'm not talking about forced marriage, but match making.

[Ronnie]

NR,

You're funny. Of course I've met Hispanic mothers that's not what I was referring to. I was referring to the practice, the way you described it, it sounded kind of strange. I see what you were trying to say. I haven't seen the movie but I've been trying to watch it for a while, just haven't had the chance.

Regards

[nr]

This woman was a bit strange; not all hispanic mothers are like her. Her daughter did not speak any english, so I was supposed to teach her.

[Dilkakyakasoor]

Arranged marriages often become forced marriages. At least amongst Pakistani people (both in Pakistan and other countries, like Norway and Denmark). I heard from my father that I have to marry my cousine when I was 14 years old. If I even try to say no, then it won't be pretty... This is from the secular culture. Probably from the earlier India and hindu traditions. It has no place in Islam.

There is no genious without bit of insanity -Sokrates
May Allah swt give us all good health and good imaan.
Wa'Salaam

I'm not sure how old you are now, but what happened? And I'm also not sure where you live but in America, even wiht the freedom there, dose the father have the say of who his daughter marries?

[nr]

Specifics depends on the state laws. Anything
without consent is rape though.

[imported_Maha]

Dilkakyakasoor,

It doenst really have anything to do with authority, I mean, in Islam the marrage can not be conducted without the concent of both the bride and the groom - full concent without force. It is applied in all islamic countries becouse it is an esential part of marrage, if it is't there (the full concent) then the marrage is null and void. So all she/he has to do is to say "no" when asked weather he/she agrees to the marrage and the persone conducting the marrage (given different names in different countries) will refuse to continue.

but the force will come in other ways - what the parents can actually do is to pressure, which would most probablely be varying in various communities. In mine, for instance, my parents would be angry at me, and say that they would not be happy unless I agree, this would REALLY be pressure me (based on how I was raised and how my community lives). In others they may be much more harsh.

Ugly (the word Amin used) is veig word, to me, if my parents dont talk to me it's ugly, to other people it's only ugly if they started to use their hands, for others ugly is when weapons are used (the last one is extreme, I'v never really heard of a girl being killed becouse she wont marry a person, although I'v heard of beating).

So living in the US is not going to make much difference, she's not going to complain about her parents to any authority (unless they are unusually harsh - beat her for example).

By the way, I though Amin was a man?

Salam,

Maha

[imported_Maha]

sorry, Amin said "wont be pritty" I assumed that was ugly.

Salam,

Maha

[sadlyyours]

arranged marriage should be distinguished from match making and forced marriage.

i believe the author of the post meant "forced marriage".

if not forced, an arranged marriage could eliviate lots of headache for the bride and groom.

"love marriage" is an indian-pakistani term, where the bride and groom happen to meet and like each other, and get married, with or without parents approval. again, indian movies [which seem to have no other topic than marriage. let me add, i'm talking about "bollywood"], are classic examples.

[Dilkakyakasoor]

Yes that is what I ment, thank you for clearing that up

[sadlyyours]

I would think that there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages [not forced marriage], as long as the bride and groom have their full say in it, and have the final decision power.

Also, when the bride and groom are not sure about what to do, and ask their friends, or parents to help, it would seem ok.

but as ronnie pointed out, the practice of arranged marriage[forced or not forced] is not an islamic issue.